Vacation; #6 "A Note"

~August 27 and 28


Just a little note from me that day. Far away from the main topic; "vacation".


Hurt.
Disappointed.
I'm all alone now.
I always am. At least since a few years ago.
As I grew older, I'm getting too far from My God. From what I've believed in so many years. I know that. But I hope that I'll always have faith in this until the very last day of my life. Because if I don't, my condition would be worst, than today. I just know that.
People said, "poor daddy", "poor mommy". But when poor me? Have to wait until I'm six feet under the ground? I'm just getting tired of waiting.
Did you know?
These papers are a place for me to share. A place where you can be completely honest. Or some teddy bears that I used as friends. A friend that would always hear every single word without saying a word and blame me.
I cry myself to sleep. In the most darkest night. All alone.
I put some random song in a full volume just so I wouldn't hear my heart screaming for help. And the tears that fell down would be ignored.
Sometimes, I don't know how to express(sp?) my feeling. Because it seems, nobody would listen.
I miss my friends. I miss my place. The past seems too good to be forgotten.
School is too hard. Because I can't enjoy myself. 
There're so many why's going through my head. Why? Why? Why?
Someday, there will be something being sacrificed.
And my tears won't stop. Whenever you remember. Remember being hurt. Remember hurting others. The people that you love. 
These past six years, my smiles often closed with tears. And still wondering why.


Hmm.. it was almost midnight. I couldn't sleep.
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life. You will only waiting for this moment to arrive..." -Blackbird, The Beatles.
I didn't know why, but it brought me to tears that night.
I put songs on my phone on shuffle, and sad songs came out. Most of the songs that came out that night were sad songs.


I just realized that my face wasn't as smooth as usual. WHAT HAPPENED!? Oh please, anything, stay away from my face. Pleaseeeeee.........


I miss you heeeeey. I wished you were online. But you weren't.
"But it's empty. It's empty. Maybe we're trying. Trying so haaaaaaard...." -Empty, The Click 5.


When I'm holiday, my blackberry became a victim. Forever in my hands. Haven't had a rest in days! Poor you cellphone :(
There is obviously something wrong with my shirt today. It really love to "eat" my hair. Heeeeey it's precious. Don't eat it!!


Cried all night. Aaaaaand.... couldn't sleep.


Welcome august 28! The world is getting older day by day..


Slept at 1 a.m and woke up at 3.44 a.m. Had sahur. Slept again until 10 a.m in the morning. Hmm.... no wonder all my body was hurt.
We went to another shopping mall. Watching my mom, my aunt, and my grandma shops like craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy. Ckckck 


And in the afternoon, people went to the beach, I went back to sleep. Don't care. Revenge? Maybe. I wasn't sleep all night. Lol.


And yes, I know, it's a little bit random in the end. But that's just what I wrote on my diary. Even though I DON'T write back every single things and every little details. I prefer keep some just for myself to read ;)