Itu Aku ~ Sheila on 7

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Untitled

Do you know what's funny? My own friend blame me because I'm not "move fast" so another girl "takes him away".
I'm not that kinda girl you know.

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm still hanging out with her. She's far away from what you called friends. Especially her mouth. She can say A to me, B to others. God knows what she's been talking behind my back. 

Wait, if I leave her, how many will she have left? A lot of people already hates her.
You have to watch your mouth before everybody gets tired with it.

He's Yours.

“I have no intention to have a date at this very moment”

You know, sometimes, you have to watch out of words that came out from your mouth. Because in the end, that’s gonna hurt you.

He’s dating. Recently. It might not that matters if it’s some stranger I don’t even know. The thing is, I know her. Just like junior high school all over again, isn’t it? How lovely.

I can’t stand being in the same room at her, today. But I managed it safely. Without any damage on anything. Good for me.

I’m twenty, I should act like one. Be an adult. Be nice.

But I don’t think she likes me that much. She kept looking at me. Not in a very nice way. And when I smiled, she gave me death stare and was looking at me from top to bottom. She used to be nice to me. Hey girl, I’m not going to take your new boyfriend away from you. I’m not that kinda girl. Why so afraid?

Besides, who told her? Him?

I’m in love with him.

But I’m not going to take away other’s happiness just for my own. I’m not going to him away from you. You don’t have to be worry. He’s yours.

I’ll be fine.

I know I will.

Him

"He's everywhere when you're not around.", said my friends.
"The last time I saw him, was before midterm. It was months ago. Maybe it's time to forget about him before he graduated."

I should've not said that. Now he's everywhere -_-

In the lobby, acting cool as usual. 
In the study hall, while I was waiting for optical mineralogy lab.
In cafeteria, while my friends and I was eating. It never happened before, we had different schedule.
In the main street near my place, right before I went to campus. This was an accident. Because he might want to go somewhere at the same time I was about to go to campus. He lives in the area too. Just in the different street.
Right after he finished his Sholat Jumat.
The lecturer decided to change the room from fifth floor to second floor, in the room next to where his class was. Yeah, you get the point.

Every time I look around, he was just right... there.
It's like he heard me.
Or it's just God's way of saying, "treat your eyes before you guys cannot see each other again after college."

Although, I kinda wished to see him again, in the future, after we both got a job in a place where we wanted it, still single.

Him

"Where were you? We've been looking for you!"
"He was right there, talking with my boyfriend when we were at the cafeteria. He was looking for you as we walked closer. I can tell from the way he looked at us and then looked at the air behind us. He wished you were there."
"Doing my homework", I answered them simply don't really care.

"ehm, *laugh* he looked at you. It was intense. His face was red when I caught him"
"yea, whatever", I steal a look or two towards him, so... I kinda knew that.

*talking with the girls*
*he was doing his work not far away from us*
"he's looking! he knows you're here"
I just looked away.

His stare was intense and... scary. But it almost impossible to looked away. I could easily get lost on them. I would run, but I was paralyzed. There is something about his stare that I couldn't figure it out. It was.. different.

Thanks A Lot.

"Stay still, I'll take a picture of both of you"

I couldn't. It's too obvious. 

"He won't notice"

He actually is. It was loud.

I couldn't just sit next to him out of nowhere while he's busy with his works. Yes, I do like him, a lot. And now he knows. Thanks to your mouth that you couldn't keep it shut for a minute. 

Sometimes, "hey, I like you" is better than "safsaf!" every damn time he's around. I'm twenty not twelve.

I just finished my geochemistry class that day, he was just finished his applied stratigraphy class. He was sitting on study hall, looked so serious doing his work on his laptop. It was adorable, actually.

I met my friends there. They were waiting for their optical mineralogy class to start, later they found out, there were no class that day. 

It all started there..

I feel like I'm in junior high all over again. The difference is, he actually know that I'm exist.

I like having a crush on somebody, but I prefer he doesn't know about it. Not in a noisy way like what my friends did. I like adoring him from my own distance.

After that day, I hope he just doesn't running away every time we met, or whatever we called it ilfeel.

My friends saw him on the gate outside campus, he was about to buy something I guess. 

One of them suddenly yell "safsaf!". He instantly looked at us and leave from another gate that far away from us.

Yeah, no hope anymore. Thanks a lot.

And I might really scared to see him on campus again, ever.

He's Smart and They Know It

He was wearing black shirt, nicely tucked onto his black jeans, usual blue shoes and tiny little bit combed hair. It was out of his usual messy style. It was rather.. neat. 

He was all nice and tidy and tense and looked nervous that Friday morning. 

He looked busy and in a rush as he went around on the second floor's rooms before finally decided to go to the fifth floor.

He was on his final year. He was one step closer to the end. It was the day his mapping presentation finally presented to everybody. No wonder he looked.. different. It sounds interesting. I would like to watch it if it wasn't for morning class that I should attend haha.

That day, everywhere I go, I heard people were talking about his presentation. It was so cool, they said. It was the best, they said. He was suddenly become superstars. Everyone congratulated him. Everyone asked how he’s done it. Everyone asked him to do the presentation again just because they couldn't come in the morning. And I was just standing there didn't know what to do. Not even try to congratulate him. They were all around him, suddenly.

And he, being him, just smiled, said thank you, and said it was nothing.

Well maybe they were always around him whenever they need help for studying. In papers, he might not have the best GPA, but people loves to go to him whenever they’re stuck on something. He's doing the best he could. Always. He's smart and they know it.

He'll Never Be Mine

“What if he suddenly asked you out, Sa? Would you go out with him?”

“Maybe no, Na. I’m afraid dating these days could ruin my career in the future. I do like him, a lot more than I expected actually. But it’s just for motivation on campus. To see him smile, it brighten up the day a little bit. Maybe after he graduated from here, I’ll forget about him.”

In the future, I hope I could work globally. Not just in one specific country. I want to travel, for both work and pleasure. I’m afraid if I’m too attached to one guy who wanted to just stay here, I would set aside my dream to be with one person. IF he wanted to work globally too, why not? But what if he doesn’t want to? I’ve met some people who wanted to work here only. Well, that’s good if that’s what they want. It’s a problem if I like like him. Long distance relationship forever? No, thank you. So dating isn’t an option right now.

But imagining him end up with someone else sometimes hurts. But I can’t do anything about it, can I?

I’m his junior. We're not close or whatever. We rarely talks. It’s just weird that out of nowhere telling him I like him, or pretending to be stupid just to ask him about some subjects he’s perfectly good at, or whatever my friends telling me to do just to get close to him!

It’s impossible for a girl like me to make the first move. But if I didn’t make the first move, he’ll end up marrying other girl. Why? Because I’m not the kind of girl his eyes would land on. But feelings can grow anytime. Feelings grow if we often talk or spend time together whether you realize it or not. Or maybe when it is all too late. Theoretically, I should be the one who make the first move. But that’s gonna happen. So yeah, you get the point. He’ll never be mine.